~Author's Note: This was my version of paradise. It doesn't have to be yours, because it's mine. I had started to write a story with this piece, but it didn't sound right. So then I deleted the story and posted the paradise. Please tell me what you think of this piece!
I walk along the golden, soft beach, the gentle winds tussling my hair. The smell of fish and tangerines fill my nose as I inhale deeply. I can hear birds calling out to each other and the waves crashing against the shore. I could see dolphins playing in the turquoise ocean a mile away. The bright, blue sky is filled with sun, and with flocks of birds circling the island. It is an island of paradise.
You had really good describing words, and it painted a clear image in my head.(I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true!)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ally about the vocabulary and it did paint a good picture in my head but you could have added more onto it and fitted it with some kind of plot.
ReplyDeleteThis story had nice vocabulary and descriptions. You may want to vary how you begin your sentences.
ReplyDeleteI liked your descriptive vocabulary in this. I agree with Ross, you could have added more to it.
ReplyDeleteRemember to add an authors note (though I should be talking :) ) because I really would like to know where you went with this. I have walked on the island of paradise before but maybe not in just the same way. Your paradise might be an ocean but I always see myself in the wood in a perfect world. Everyone's perfect place is different but if you can escape to that place once in a while, even though it might only be in your head, you will be able so support a lot more stress.
ReplyDeleteHey guys, it was basically supposed to describe my version of paradise. At first I had started a story with it, but I wasn't a very big fan of it, so I just put down the beginning. I'll do an author's note now Sara. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, do you guys add a plot to every single piece you write? Just wondering.
ReplyDelete